Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
