That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
