Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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