Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
