at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
bring money and cleavage
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
