Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
