I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So squirting runs in the family.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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