is your mom at the bar?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
