It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
