You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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