I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
