I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
