I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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