Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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