I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
