I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
