She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
