don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
