pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
