Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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