you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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