I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
