She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
