You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
