How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
