he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
