I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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