I puked a lego.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
