It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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