Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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