Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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