at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
