so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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