everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
