Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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