Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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