what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
