she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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