Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
