My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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