Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
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when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
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I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?