I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend