everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
