I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.