i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
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I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
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I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If its not for food we ain't going out.