It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
