I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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