i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
