my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
