Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
