i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
