It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
