And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
