Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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