I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
