my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
