Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
