just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
