I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
