i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I deserve this hangover.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
