my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't deserve a penis
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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