the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
