here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
