i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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