she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
