at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
