He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
