Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
