She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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