can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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