Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
