just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
