this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I faked an abortion last night.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
