idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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