He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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