all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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