dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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