i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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