I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
