My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
