I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
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After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
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I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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