I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
