I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
