I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
