Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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