i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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